We're almost two weeks into this deployment and its already so hard. Maybe its because I've been babysitting an extra child, a four month old little girl. I already feeling like I'm going insane and just need to get away. And I still have well over twenty weeks left of this deployment.
Yesterday, I woke up at 7:10am. The little girl got dropped off at 7:15, picked her up at 4:30pm and then I babysat two other kids (for a friend) from 4:30-6pm. Then went to the gym with the boys at 6:10-7:15pm. By then I was exhausted and frustrated. It was a long day yesterday.
I'm just so exhausted and worn down. Feeling like I'm losing my patience each day. Ugh. I'm so ready for this deployment to be over with, yes ALREADY! I can really tell a difference this deployment than it was last time. I believe last deployment was easier. I had more friends to lean on for support and to distract me the whole deployment. Even though I did have plenty of sleepless nights, with Logan being an infant. And I had my meltdowns, to where I just wanted to run away from it all (even though I would never do that to my kids). This time, the boys are constantly fighting. Landen keeps taking toys from Logan. Landen is the instigator, Logan would be fine, if Landen just left him alone. But he's constantly doing something to make Logan mad. And they BOTH get into EVERYTHING, when I'm not looking! I'm constantly picking up the whole house two or three times a day! The up side is Landen is FULLY potty-trained. Even at night time. He's really only had about two accidents the last three weeks. We're so proud of him.
My friends. Well the very few I have. There so busy in the everyday lives. And I feel like.. I dont have that support I had last time. And thats the one thing that really kept me strong and kept me going. And now.. well I dont know anymore. I know I have to keep strong for my boys. But its hard. And stressful. Very stressful.
I start back in school for the spring semester on Monday. We'll see how it works out with Jordan being gone. If its way too much, I may just have to put classes on hold til he gets back. I dont know. I'm going to try to keep with it. But we will see.
Better go, have three screaming kids right now.
